Monday: 18 and Counting

Hillsdale 2011 

This is the second Monday of the New Year. January 11, 2016. We are only eleven days into the year and already two Mondays are gone. When the ball dropped and the cheering began only a few days ago, most were elated to ring in the new year. I sat there, with my family, as the fireworks exploded over the city of New Orleans and sighed just after I kissed my husband. You see our family traveled to the Big Easy to have some down time, to enjoy each others company and we were doing just that. But as my face showed happiness for the New Year, my heart couldn't help but skip a beat. Because inside of my head like a BIG BOLD flashing sign was this: 2016.

I knew from that moment that there were exactly twenty Mondays in 2016 before she graduated. As of today, we are down to only having eighteen left!! Eighteen may sound like a lot to some people, but think about this; Eighteen years ago she was born. Eighteen years ago I held her in my arms for the first time. Eighteen years ago I felt as though I had ages until she grew up. But here we are, eighteen years later and now all I want is for time to slow down, even if it's just a little bit.

I recall being like every Mom, looking for all of those milestones she accomplished, thankful to have seen her growing. I remember, I was singing to her the first time she ever smiled, wrapping a gift on the floor just next to her when she took her first step. I've been a witness to everything in her life, the good, the not so good, the growth....I've seen it all. Now, just eighteen short weeks away, I'll see her Graduate and turn Eighteen years old just days later. I knew this was coming, yet, somehow I didn't see it. Maybe I've been in denial. Maybe I'm just secretly wishing she will change her mind about going so far away for College.  But the truth is that I know she will be okay. I know she will be more than okay!

After all she's doing exactly what I hoped she would do in her life.....she's living out her dreams. Through the years we've encouraged her to speak her mind. Told her to mind others feelings. Reminded her to never give up. Forbidden her to use the word CAN'T. Our daughter may have been told no more than once, but she was never told that she "can't". I personally believe anyone can do anything. When attempting to do something you may need help but you can do it. And frankly, even if you try and you don't succeed, it's not that you CAN'T do it, it's that you just weren't able to right now. There must be a reason why...because everything happens for a reason!

So, its was this positive, reach for your dreams, never give up, hold your head high, you can do it attitude that we've tried to give her. She took to it....heck she ran with it! I'm serious! She literally ran with it. You see, when she and I went to her middle school to pick up her new schedule for her seventh grade year, we met Coach Talley. She was sitting at a table in the cafeteria with another student encouraging kids to sign up and run for Cross Country. I laugh now as I write this, but in that moment Becca was not even remotely interested.

Becca had been a competing athlete since she was four years old. When she was only two when I signed her up for gymnastics and lordy did she take right to it. Gymnastics for her was all about running and jumping and flipping and spinning and just having a really good time. It was our thing. I was at every practice, every meet, every long distance mile that was traveled for the team, we did together. But, just before the start of Becca's seventh grade year in school, after ten long years of being a gymnast, she decided that Gymnastics was no longer for her. She was choosing not to compete any more and since this decision was hers to make, we let her stop.

So there we were, walking the seventh grade hallway, looking for her locker. I was pointing out all of the reasons that Cross Country might be a good fit for her and she was basically ignoring me. If you've a daughter then you know exactly what I mean. It's where their head shakes, as their eyes focus on something other than you, and they say, "mhmm yeah mom". I knew that I was only getting about half of her attention and that was okay. She was excited, filled with joy to be getting back to school....but then it happened. We found her locker.

Until that day, I'd never been witness to Becca looking deflated. Seeing that locker took the wind right out of her sails. I could see in her eyes that she was sad and as she looked up at me from her little 4'8 frame she nearly said it. "Mom, I ca....", she began to say. But before she get out that foul word, I grabbed her hand and spun her around. Quickly we were headed down the hallway to the main office. This was not something I would let get the best of her.

Our daughter has always been...shall we say, vertically challenged. But here are the great things about having a not so tall child:
          1. You will be able to see their smiling face in any school performance because they are ALWAYS in the front row!
          2. Since most schools do things from first to last in order of height; We always got to see Becca do her thing first!
          3. All class photos have a perfectly clear shot of our daughter, because she was center row front!
         
However, when taking your vertically challenged child to her first glance at her middle school, don't let the tall locker win! This school had stacked lockers. One was on the bottom and the other, right above it. I suppose the positive thing to take from this is that the school does not discriminate based on height. They were bold in their choice to give this girl, who was not statuesque, a top locker! The bottom of the top locker literally began at about the middle of her forehead. Sadly, even her tippy toes wouldn't have been much help.

The office was packed. Parents were wanting to get schedules. Students were asking about bus assignments. The personnel looked to be more than busy. So we sat down, waiting outside of the office, on an oak colored bench for our turn. I could tell she wasn't happy. For me, this was the ultimate torture device. A sad child was bad enough but when it's your own child that's sad, its brutal. A change of subject was in order and the only thing I could come up with was Cross Country.

I knew she wasn't interested, but maybe now that I had her full attention she would listen a bit more. I explained how colleges are looking for not only "A" students but also well rounded students with a plethora of academic, athletic and leadership skills. I had her attention. She nodding, looking up at me and said "okay" before getting up and running down the hallway towards the school cafeteria. I smiled, letting out a soft sigh because in that moment I immediately thought of my own mother who had often given me advice. "You've got to pick your battles Keasha. They won't always listen. So make the most of the things you can influence positively and be there with open arms to catch them for the times when you aren't able to protect them."

I'd done that, listened to my mother and made the most of it. I'd hopefully helped Becca get started on finding different things to get involved with so that she could be that "it" kid. The one with the "plethora" of things on the extracurricular page of her college application. Yet here I sit years later, typing this and realizing........I did a good job, even if I do say so myself. With the help of God, my folks, my husband, and many others Becca has become a young woman. I suppose it is this time in one's adult life that could be called the playoffs.

You've helped them make all the right moves. You've taught them to go up against the best in the country. You've been the eternal cheerleader. Now, you've got to sit back, take a deep breath and be proud. Encourage them to never give up. Keep telling them to reach for more because they are full of greatness. And watch as they begin to use the tools that you supplied them with for their own journey through life.

It won't be easy, because you aren't going to be able to be there to constantly protect them any more. But that's what all this was for wasn't it? All of the preparation, the talks, the lessons, the activities, the dating advice, the dinners around the table; They were leading to this point in their life, so that hopefully they are prepared when they walk away and head out the door to college. Then and only then can you allow yourself to sit down, take a deep breath and quietly feel just a little bit sad. Because even if it was you that encouraged them to fly the nest, you secretly hope that the one thing they will do is come back home. (Even if it is to only visit!)


*To my amazing Daughter: Read this and smile. It's simple everyday things like this that I will remember most when you're away. Never stop believing in yourself. You're the very BEST of us. I love you!